Saturday, July 28, 2012
In a Chick Fil A Marketing Meeting
Boss: Ok whaddya got this week? Marketing Exec: Ok hear me out. Our problem is that people only eat our food when they are hungry. So we need to figure out a reason to eat our food that is not based on hunger. So we thought.....what if.....we could get people to eat our chicken out of spite? Just pure fear and anger making them shovel it in even when they are not hungry. Boss: How would we do that? Marketing Exec: Well that's where you come in. How would you feel about spewing a bunch of bigoted, anti gay hate speech into a microphone? Boss: I am totally in....but then we need to get back to business. Marketing Exec: Well this IS business sir. We want you to go on record and just say some really offensive things and act like any non traditional family is not really a family and really blast gay marriage. Boss: CAN DO! But wait won't that anger the left? Marketing Exec: Look if you are going to wade into the culture war and get people to eat out of spite, you have to piss off someone, and our research says that the left eats healthier. Better to lose them. Boss: Look I hate me some gays, but I really love money. Marketing Exec: It's all good boss. Just go with our plan and you'll have every Chick Fil A in the country full of angry, scared, obese hayseed rubes showing up just to eat for spite. Boss: Sounds like a plan. Now what is this about recalling Jim Henson puppet toys? Marketing Exec: Well we can't be anti gay and be handing out toys to kids that are designed so that the kid sticks his hand up a puppet's ass for fun. Plus in the process, in firing those public television puppets, we might even pull in a few libertarians. Our research shows that they hate public television even more than they love people boycotting in a free market.